There are so many things wrong with Future bashing Ciara-in public, no less- that it’s not even funny.
But it’s a perfect example of how staunchly patriarchal our community can be and how hip-hop culture has capitalized off of it. Patriarchy has taught men that they own women and that the children are his sole property who essentially exist to feed and sustain his ego. They are taught that family is the man’s right but the woman’s duty and that he doesn’t have to be committed to nurturing and maintaining his family structure because the woman has absolutely no right to live a life outside of him and his feelings. And even when he does not marry the mother (and Future is rumored to have cheated, therefore being the reason for the breakup), he still arrogantly expects her to put her life on hold to accommodate his sorry ass feelings. As if motherhood is some kind of punishment the woman must endure and that he has the right to control and dictate the terms of. He is a father. He need only be concerned with his role as a father in his son’s life and ensuring that his son is happy and healthy. If that was Future’s-and men of his ilk-top priority, he would be spending more time getting to know Russell Wilson than tweeting about him. And the crazy part about all this is that Black single mothers are expected to get over their feelings when their child’s father moves on and are expected to sit through endless lectures on how to play nice-nice with the other women and embrace the other children. While women are expected to be mature adults, the men like Future are coddled and allowed to wallow in ego. What’s even more disturbing is how Future’s male friends, T.I. and Ebro, came in like a cancer cell to attack Ciara. Which is similar to a stunt Anthony Anderson pulled when Ludacris’ daughter’s mother was sharing her experience as a single mother fighting for custody against a wealthy entertainer. T.I. and Ebro, like Anderson, came in on some “bros before hoes” nonsense to interject their irrelevant ass opinions on how the mother of a child- a child they are not even invested in, because when did they get up for a night feeding or diaper chenge- lives her life. These are the same men who are never around to be take a stand on issues affecting Black women, like domestic violence, colorism, sexism, etc., but you can always count on them to spew venom and humiliate Black women in public (i.e. Ebro just got in hot water for posting a meme with the FLOTUS’s image asking if Black women have attitude problem. Yes, Ebro we do because people like you not only exist, you insist on turning the volume up on your stupidity by speaking. ) This shit is sick. And the worse part about it is that they are given a platform-platforms that are White owned, I might add- to spew this garbage and tend to be rewarded for these childish, hateful antics.
Black dysfunction is praised and celebrated. People looooooove it, especially if it entails a story of a sad, lonely, angry, desperate, Black woman. We applaud Amber Rose for missing Wiz Khalifa, even though he has shown no signs that the feeling is mutual, but we bash Ciara for moving forward. Something ain’t clean in the water. Real talk.
(And isn’t it crazy how when men do their dirt that hurts women, it’s considered a “private matter” or a “man being a man”, but when women are living their lives in a way that offends a man’s ego, people always want to judge and declare her a harlot and Devil incarnate. It’s so foul. It’s patriarchy.)
The reality of having a child with a woman and not marrying her is that she will at some point move on. Shocking, I know! And if you trusted her enough to be the mother of your child, then you should trust her ability to choose life partners who will not harm the child. There are so many shitty stepfathers out there who don’t give a rat’s ass about the woman’s child from another man so frankly, Future should be very, very, very happy that she has chosen to build a life with a man who embraces and shows love towards his son. Because what is really the alternative? A shitty stepfather? A mother wallowing in her sadness that things didn’t work out with the father so she never really moves on? How are these alternatives good for the child? But see, it’s not about the child. It’s about his ego and control. And it’s sad that there are men out here who feel better when a Black single mother is sad, lonely, and missing the father but can’t tolerate seeing her happy. That is truly sadistic.
I’m sure there are so many knee jerk reactions to say “but Ciara should’ve known” or “Black women need to stop having children with men who…” and all that may be true. Ciara did know he had other children with other women and it’s entirely possible that she knew it wouldn’t work out with Future in the long run. But that does not mean she deserves to be disrespected by the father and his bros. That does not mean she has to be punished for choosing motherhood. No woman deserves that treatment. Future is blessed and he needs to stop acting like a spoiled man-child and show some damn respect.
Black people, if we’re really going to do this community building thing right, say no to male entitlement because it’s literally killing Black women- physically, spiritually, emotionally, and financially. It needs to stop. Immediately.
Picture source: By thecomeupshow [CC BY 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons